Grieving on Mother’s Day: Honoring Loss, Estrangement, and Complicated Maternal Relationships

Mother’s Day is often seen as a joyful celebration—a time for flowers, family brunches, and gratitude for the women who raised us. But for many, it’s a deeply emotional day. As a therapist who specializes in trauma and emotional healing, I want to acknowledge what’s often left unsaid: Mother’s Day can be painful, especially for those who are grieving, estranged from a mother, or carrying unresolved trauma from a difficult maternal relationship.

For some, Mother’s Day brings up grief over the death of a mother or mother figure. You may be mourning someone who passed recently, or someone who’s been gone for many years. Grief doesn’t follow a linear path—it ebbs and flows, and can resurface unexpectedly around holidays, anniversaries, or seemingly mundane moments.

As grief expert David Kessler says, “Grief is love with nowhere to go.” That love remains, even in loss, and it deserves space to be felt.

But not all grief comes from death. Many people struggle on Mother’s Day because of mother wounds—emotional pain resulting from a mother who was absent, abusive, or unable to provide the care and support you needed. This kind of grief is often invisible and complex. It might be tied to childhood trauma, attachment issues, or deep unmet needs. As a trauma-informed therapist, I often work with clients to process these early wounds and find healing in the present.

Estrangement is another layer of pain that’s often overlooked. If you’re currently not in contact with your mother—or if the relationship is distant, toxic, or unsafe—you may experience what’s called “ambiguous loss.” This is the grief that comes when someone is physically alive but emotionally unavailable. It can be incredibly painful, especially on a day when the world seems to celebrate perfect mother-child relationships.

If you’re feeling the weight of Mother’s Day, you are not alone. Your experience is valid, whether you're grieving a death, navigating family estrangement, or processing unresolved emotional trauma. One of the most healing things you can do is give yourself permission to feel whatever comes up—without judgment.

Here are a few gentle ways to care for yourself on this day:

• Acknowledge your truth. Your story matters, even if it doesn’t fit the “Hallmark” version of motherhood.

• Create your own ritual. Light a candle, write a letter, or spend time in nature—whatever helps you connect with your feelings.

• Set boundaries. It’s okay to skip social media or decline invitations if they don’t feel supportive.

• Reach out for support. Talking with a licensed therapist can provide a safe space to explore your grief, trauma, or family dynamics.

  
  

Grief counseling and trauma therapy can be powerful tools in healing from maternal loss and mother wounds. Whether you’re seeking therapy for grief or emotional support for navigating difficult family relationships, you deserve compassionate, trauma-informed care. If this Mother’s Day feels heavy, know that you’re not alone— you’re moving through grief, something real and meaningful. In the midst of grief, there is also resilience, self-compassion, and the potential for deep healing.